Shutterstock
If there’s one thing we know about Golden Girls, it’s that sus, wit, and apocalyptic attitudes were the glue that held the Miami home together. Now, imagine the dog was part of the mix. In particular, dogs with the same level of suspension, wit and confidence visited the dog. Some varieties naturally tend to (figically) roll their eyes to attitude, sense of humor, or anything beneath them. These dogs don’t just survive in Golden Girls’ homes. They thriving, still adorable and cheerful, tasting the antics of each day.
Peaking
Shutterstock
If a variety is born that drinks tea (or maybe a pina colada) and throws the shade from the comfort of a velvet sofa, it’s Beijing. This variety is like royalty and is not afraid to let you know you are under them. With their gorgeous coats and confident attitude, they are perfect for Blanche’s dramatic monologue and love for the finer things in life. They probably spend most of their time sitting on the most fashionable pillows in the house, not impressed by the antics of others, but still screaming at the occasional timing huff.
Chihuahua
Shutterstock
If Sofia had a dog counterpart, it would definitely be a Chihuahua. This breed, which is small and ruptured with attitude, has no problem putting big dogs and people in their place. Like Sofia’s legendary ability to get through nonsense in a single sentence, the Chihuahua knows how to throw serious side-eyes. Whether they are barking mailmen or breaking through the house with more confidence than their size should allow, they are small but powerful in the snark department.
Scottish Terrier
Shutterstock
Dorothy absolutely approves Scottish terriers. It appears to be dry, dignified and always judge the room. This variety has a sophisticated yet nonsense attitude, making it the type to quietly watch the drama unfold before sighing completely of timing disapproval. Like Dorothy, they can be a bit reserved at first, but they pass through when their loyal, intensely protective nature warms. And if there was a variety that mastered the art of ironic brow raises, it’s Scotty.
poodle
Shutterstock
Elegant, intelligent, always staying five steps ahead, the poodle will become the blanche of the dog world. They are stylish, they know they are stylish and hope to be treated accordingly. With the ability to learn quickly and tend to be a bit dramatic, poodles don’t hesitate to lift their noses with worthless suitors (or dog foods that span to high standards). The poodle brings a sophisticated suspension that belongs to the Golden Girls home, whether it flaunts the latest haircut or throws a subtle look of disapproval.
Shiba inu
Shutterstock
Shiba Inu is the ultimate independent spirit with a sarcastic edge. This variety is famous for its distinctive wave screams. They are loud and dramatic protests over something inconvenient. The shibus also habitually ignores commands unless they agree. Their intelligence, loneliness and ridiculous sudden blasts will make them the perfect comedy wildcard in the house.
Dachshund
Shutterstock
A dachshund is a small diva with a big attitude. Whether they are bossing around a much larger dog or not get in the way, whether they are digging holes under a pile of blankets with a look on their face that they know exactly what they want. They fit seamlessly in Blanche’s talents, perhaps even claiming her bed as their own. With their mischievous streak and a love for timing, judgemental gaze, the Dachshund will likely steal snacks from the coffee table and play innocently when caught.
French Bulldog
Shutterstock
The French Bulldog is a master of comedy timing like Rose. Their adorable noses, dramatic sighs, and sometimes stubborn stripes make them a natural scene steeler. They have a way to see a moment of total ignorance and slap you with an unexpected burst of the next moment (or Zoom). Does it look like the Frenchman at Lanai relaxing and putting up with everyone’s nonsense? That’s the whole mood.
Afghan Hound
Shutterstock
Few dogs embody effortless elegance and mystery, like the Afghan Hound. If Blanche were a dog, she would definitely be an Afghan hound. These dogs have a way to enter the room as if they were trying to drop the most scandalous gossip of the century. They may not be the most vocalist, but their dramatic hair turns over, and say it slowly and slowly, and say everything you need to stare.
Lhasa Apso
Shutterstock
Originally raised by a watchdog in a Tibetan palace, Lhasa APSO has a royal attitude and an innate ability to judge everything around him. Like Sophia, they are small and fearless and do not retreat from the conflict. Lhasa will be indulging in daily life while she is ready to quickly bare her opinions as she listens for the drama of her neighborhood. They may be small, but they have the confidence of a dog three times their size.
boxer
Shutterstock
The boxer has the eerie ability of Dorothy to be just as goofy and intimidating at the same time. They have expressive faces that can go from serious to serious to play! In a few seconds. Their playful, resilient nature makes them a source of constant entertainment, and their athleticism means they are ready to unfold (or go outside) in any situation within the house. And, like Dorothy, they can be incredibly loyal, protective and sweet when they are not vigilant.
Miniature Schnauzer
Shutterstock
Miniature Schnauzers are basically small old people in the shape of dogs. They have an eternal atmosphere of disapproval and a playful side that creeps into just the right moments. With their signature beards and expressive eyebrows, they would have first “Harumhu” with whatever nonsense happening at home. But despite their gross look, they are incredibly loyal and always ready to be part of the action. If Sofia had to choose a dog partner, Schnauzer is at the top of the list.
Thank you for being friends (but they won’t take me to my seat)
Shutterstock
Things are even more confusing (and hilarious) if these mean, opinionated, fun and dramatic varieties are part of the Golden Girls home. Like Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sofia, they may be arguing and sassing with each other all day, but deep, they will be inseparable. Their perfectly timed response, over-the-top personality and undeniable charm make them comedy gold. Now, if there’s a way to put these dogs together for a real TV show. You will probably request approval of your own trailer and script before signing on.
